Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Buhtt sex?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
