I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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