I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The ass gains better be worth it
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
