Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
