I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
