Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
