i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
