Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
