at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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