I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
