You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
