i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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