hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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