Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
