She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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