You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
