Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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