remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
did i walk over a car last night?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
