Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
