I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
