Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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