I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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