This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
