no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
