very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
this hospital has no fireball
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
