You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
