so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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