It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
