I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
