I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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