I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
