he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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