Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
