wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
