i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
