My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
