dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
