I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
