Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
