My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
