I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
