Don't worry. I has chaperone.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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