He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
