You're so nebulous sometimes
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
