my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
