I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
