I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
