Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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