So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
