I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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