u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
